Respect is the Way to a Man's Heart
Posted: Monday, March 02, 2009
by Sarah Malinak
Ideal Relationships
Respect is the language of love men hear, feel, and respond to. This is scientifically proven, it is something I have been taught by women older and wiser than me, and many books have been written on the subject. However, it is one thing to know a thing and another thing altogether to put it into practice! In this article, we'll talk about how a woman communicates respect to her man. Below are five ways to show your husband respect every single day. If you practice these, his expressed love for you will grow!
Somehow we women perceive our men to be extensions of ourselves. We do this with our children too. We don't do it with authority figures or girlfriends. A simple rule here is if you catch yourself speaking to your husband (or children) with words or a tone you would never use with your best girlfriend, take it back and start over with greater respect.
A second and fun way to show your husband respect is to appreciate his sense of humor! In these recession news filled days, it is easy to be preoccupied with worry and stress. It is also easy to take that worry and stress out on those we love the most. However, the worry and stress will not make the recession go away. When he is being funny, be present with him and laugh. If you can do it in a sincere way, laugh loud and hard. Enjoy his sense of humor, break up the tension, and communicate your appreciation and respect of him with the healing art of laughter!
An excellent way to show him respect is to stop gossiping about him! There is a difference between processing your marriage issues with one or two close girlfriends who hold you accountable for what you create in the marriage and bashing your man to everyone who will listen. Bashing him to friends within his hearing as if you are being cute and funny and it is all right with him doesn't cut it either! Even if he tolerates it, that is called emasculation and is the exact opposite of respect.
Whether or not you treat your man with respect, your husband is the person you promised to love and honor the most of anyone in your life. Hold to that promise; respect his privacy and his dignity when you speak of him.
The fourth way to show your man respect is to show respect for his extended family. Depending on your relationship with them, this may be challenging. Perhaps his mother is interfering. Maybe his sister disrespects you and pops off condescending barbs whenever you have to be with her. It may be that at family gatherings, you look around at all of them and wonder how he turned out to be someone you could love! He did turn out to be someone you could love. His parents, the ones who drive you crazy, gave him life. They and his siblings contributed more than anyone else in his life to making him the man he is today. Without them, you would not have him. Show him respect by respecting them. He will appreciate you for it maybe even owe you for it!
The fifth way to show your husband respect is to simply say it. "Honey, I respect you for..." It is better to actually have a specific thing you respect him for, for a couple of reasons. For one thing, he might ask why you respect him. In addition, when you make a habit of respecting him for specific things, then those things add up; which means your opportunities to express respect add up!
Telling him, "I respect you because" is actually the most difficult way to show respect. The reason why is because it can feel as if when you tell him why you respect him, will he think you did not respect him previously? You know how when a friend or acquaintance loses weight, you don't know whether or not to say something? Because, if you say something you might reveal that you previously thought she was fat? Or if someone you know gets a fantastic new hair cut, if you express too much enthusiasm, you fear she will think you didn't like her previous hair do? Well, this is that phenomenon!
The thing to remember is that when you have lost weight, you love to hear other people observe it! When you have a new hair do that makes you feel young and sexy, you like getting confirmation that other people experience you that way! Well, when your man does something or has a way of being that makes you proud, he loves hearing about it! He wants to know you are proud of him, that you appreciate him, and respect him. Verbalized respect touches his heart in a way nothing else does.
If you get busy showing your man greater and genuine respect, you will be rewarded. How you will be rewarded will depend on him and your history together. If you have been emasculating, it may take some work for you to get in touch with your genuine respect as well as in the habit of expressing it. And it may take him some time to believe you. If you have always respected him but just did not know how important it was to express it, you will probably reap instantaneous rewards!
Bio: If you have other ways of showing your man respect, check out my blog at http://www.IdealRelationships.com/blog where I posted an entry titled, "Respect: the Language of Love Men Hear Best." Post a comment there and we'll further the conversation on this topic! Sarah Elizabeth Malinak, co-author of Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart.
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